Trying For Words

The past couple weeks have been a time of intense emotion for me. Ever since my Worship and Wisdom class, I've been trying to deal with thoughts and emotions that are too big for me to grasp. I haven't spoken much about it before now because I still don't really know that words. In fact, it was only yesterday that I even tried to find the words. I'm still not really sure.

This is what I know: the more I've been studying and learning about God and who He is (as Father, Son, and  Holy Spirit, sometimes together and sometimes as individuals), the greater God has been for me. I've seen glimpses of His glory, of how far above me He is, but it's always been parts of Him. The rest I've been able to keep sort of manageable.

Not anymore. Suddenly I can't keep God nice and manageable; He's too much, too great, too glorious. You know why the Bible says to fear the Lord? Because when you actually see how great He is and how tiny you are, fear is a proper response. This is God and we cannot control Him (and for someone with control issues you can imagine how well I'm dealing with this). No wonder Isaiah was undone and John fell down as if dead. I'm having enough trouble without having to see God.

And yet, at the same time, it's very, very wonderful and there isn't enough of me to worship God the way He deserves. I don't even know how to worship Him. I don't know how to respond.

That's where I'm at right now. I'm going to try working out my thoughts and feelings over the next however long it takes. Hopefully it will make some sense.